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Dreamer. Observer. San Francisco. I write about matters of the heart and being human.
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You can’t force falling out of love, but these practical steps can greatly help you.

The moment you accept that you need to fall out of love usually feels like a punch in the stomach. It probably came after a lot of time thinking you could make it work. That love was enough, or that you could convince someone to love you, or that maybe it was just bad timing and things would get better.

Maybe it was a long relationship that ran its course. Maybe it was the unique pain of falling in love with someone you never dated. Maybe it was a mutual split based on incompatibility.

Either way, falling out of love…

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Sometimes it’s the “almost relationships” that break you more than anything else. Sometimes it’s the stories that are abandoned mid-sentence that are the toughest to let go of.

Why? It’s the seductive promise of potential. The unwritten future. The lingering what-ifs.

It’s easy to get stuck here, in the mud of wondering what could have been. There was no real beginning, so there was no real end. It’s a purgatory of unanswered questions. It’s a painful abbreviation of something like love that never had a chance to grow into more.

There is a way out of this purgatory, though, and…

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My memory and I

We fall in and out of love differently

You might even say we have different types

Me, a happy and sensible realist

My memory, a reckless romantic

Me, I fall in love slowly — measured molasses

My memory falls dramatically, foolishly, without regard

Me, I look for consistency and kindness

My memory craves darkness and the allure of transience

Me, falling in love under twinkling night skies with my head on his rising chest

My memory, only able to fall in love in reverse, with preciously preserved snippets of his sparkling eyes looking into my soul

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These tiny dreams, I have a whole closet full.
They bob and float around in the dark,
pastel balloons full of memory.
Mostly I forget about them,
Or willfully pretend they aren’t there.
But sometimes I creak open that closet
to wistfully choose one, tie it to my wrist,
and float away into a warm nostalgia.

These tiny dreams, so many are of you.
The dreams that never got off the ground,
but that I couldn’t bear to pop.
Tiny rivulets of a fantasy with you,
glimmering with our shared knowing grins. …

Photo by Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash

Recently I had a whirlwind romance that really shook me. I’ve been dating for a while and I’m intentionally particular, so it’s not often I get swept up in an unexpected love-tornado. But oh boy did I.

We met on Hinge and were immediately obsessed with each other. After just a couple of weeks, we were talking very long-term. I mean like, talking about how many kids we wanted on the first (in-person) date.

“You should just move in”, he’d say jokingly.

“I know people say not to rush, but I don’t see any reason to slow down”, I’d say…


Have you ever loved someone
who felt like a basic 12-pack of crayons?
With just enough colors to relate to,
but not enough to match
the spectrum of vivid colors
that you want to paint your days with?

I have, and at first, I didn’t notice.
Because we talked about our
purple excitement and our yellow joy.
We shared blue comfort and red pet-peeves.
We liked green adventure and gray mornings.
Our spectrums seemed to align.

Until one day, when I wanted to feel
lavender wonder and I looked at him
with my eyes sparkling and he looked
back at me and said…

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Would you rather find an “okay” relationship right now or wait a few years and find one that fits like a glove?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt you were settling, or someone was settling for you? If so, you know how lackluster and soul-deflating it can feel. Yet these relationships can be hard to escape from because you wonder:

— Maybe this is the best I can do?

— Am I asking for too much?

— Maybe this is love and people who claim to have found their unequivocal “person” are making things up?

If you’re asking yourself things like this, you’re probably settling. And it’s okay. Most of us have done it, sometimes repeatedly. Settling is…

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I want a love that feels like fire to every part of me that has ever felt cold

I want a love that drips like honey down my lips and onto the curves of my chest

I want a love that feels like drowning in a cloud, where I’m both floating and drinking it in at the same time

I want a love to hold me so tightly that I wonder if I can ever be let go of

I want a love with bed-warmed skin against my bare back every morning for the next forever

I want a love…

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Do’s and don’ts of App dating.

If you’re like most people, you probably have mixed feelings about app dating. Some days it’s exciting and you’re brimming with hope about your latest connection. Some days it’s lackluster and frustrating, and you just want to give up. This is normal.

Any activity that requires you to repeatedly put yourself out there will come with some inevitable rejection, awkwardness, and discomfort.

Using dating apps just speeds up the process of regular dating, so instead of meeting potential someones once a month or every couple months, you’re meeting one or more people every week. That’s a lot!

But the great…

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Let’s normalize non-linear grieving.

Past loves don’t ever really leave us. If our heart was a hotel, the rooms are never really fully vacated when the love is gone. Like forgotten luggage, pieces of love are left behind as memories and stray feelings.

Maybe you don’t love them anymore, not like that. But there were those moments that will always be perfect and something about that will always feel a little haunting.

You never quite know when you’ll encounter one. You’ll be going about your daily life and something, a wafting smell, or a familiar time of day, or a stranger’s gait — it…

Lauren Josephine

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